I am each and every person I ever wanted to be,
in many ways they manifest themselves in me.
Some call it inspiration, others call it copying,
but either way it's a reflection of what I'm embodying.
I'm a clone, shaped like my past aspirations,
fast paced changes have left me tired and faceless.
An anything goes acceptor of the status quo,
I've forgotten what I know and I follow with the flow.
I'm a blank slate seeking a control freak with specific hobbies:
an amateur alcoholic, puppeteer/ graffiti artist.
I had substance, I syphoned it out for safe keeping
from the abuse I do my head about, every other weekend.
Dealing with delusion, entranced by illusions
my muddled mind movements wonder where truth is.
Mistaking women for muses has left me more clueless,
I think the only language that we share is confusion.
You tampered with my mirrorness, with what I would see,
when I reflected other entities to try to forge me.
you said I looked like half a puzzle, a collection of pieces,
and said completing me would be your Reed College thesis.
I could only see you, as if I never existed.
Every other person just a shadow or a figment.
Could I live without you? What was being alive?
The only time I saw me I was reflected in your eyes.
When you slept I would vanish, when you blinked I would pause,
You were a psych student, you said my mother was the cause.
You diagnosed me, the worst case you’d ever seen,
And prescribed me to write three poems on Benzedrine.
The first was pure crap, the second, hardly better
The third was pastoral, talked a lot about the weather.
In it, I was a pond, the clearest you could see,
Reflecting changing skies, the wind alive within the trees.
I stayed there for half forever, a steady natural force,
Until a developer arrived, and built a golf course.
She shallowed all my depth, didn't stop till she was done,
No reflection on my flat green grass, she smiled, "Hole in one.”