Dear Miss Lonely Hearts,
Lately, Commons George has readily returned my swipe card without any reluctance or banter. I’m worried I offended him. Why doesn’t he tease me anymore? I miss our laughs and repartee. Why so serious?
Chairman of the Bored Points
First, I want you to take a deep breath. It’s crushing to feel like you’ve been rejected by George, but consider: would he ever really forsake you? Commons George has a heart big enough to give the whole school a hug. It’s almost impossible that you’ve seriously offended him. More likely, you’ve just been slipping under his radar recently. Do little things here and there to get him to notice you. Wear a wacky hat, or ask the grill to add sweet potato fries to your jalapeño-onion-mushroom stripadilla. It’s these small gestures that will catch George’s wandering eye. Soon enough, you’ll be yukking it up again, just like old times!
Miss Lonely Hearts