Miss Lonely Hearts Teams Up with Agony Aunt

After numerous requests for a platonic issue of Miss Lonely Hearts, I’ve teamed up with my friend Agony Aunt from PSU’s column “Ask Auntie” to tackle three of your most-asked questions.

Dear Miss Lonely Hearts,

I befriended my bestie within a few weeks of freshman year and we’re still close to this day, years later. We’ve been through thick and thin together, and recently I’ve started to develop feelings for them. I worry that I might ruin our relationship, so I try to play it cool, but I can’t enjoy our hang out sessions because I’m so nervous. What should I do?

Bewitched Bestie

AA: First things first, Bestie, is there any possibility that your friend might like you back? Instead of fretting over “playing it cool,” focus on your friend and see if they reciprocate signs of affection. Does your friend act differently with you than with other close friends?
Do they laugh at all your jokes, even when you’re not on your A game?
MLH: Even if things seem normal between you two, if your feelings last, you should consider telling your friend anyway. Honesty is, after all, the best policy. If you’re close, your bestie probably already notices that something is different between you and would appreciate an explanation. It may be uncomfortable to tell them (especially if they don’t feel the same way), but if they’re a real friend, they’ll understand. And who knows, maybe they’ve been crushing on you this whole time!


Dear Miss Lonely Hearts,

Even though I’m excited to graduate in May and start the next chapter of my life, I can’t help freaking out about the future. I’ve made great friends during my time at Reed who I don’t want to lose touch with. How do I keep in contact with them when I’ve moved to a new city?

Sentimental Senior

MLH: Deep breaths, Sentimental. You’ve made it through four years at Reed, so you can make it through this too. You might be separated from your friends, but that doesn’t mean your friendships are headed to the grave. While you still have time, make plans with your besties and follow through. Yes, you have to finish your thesis, but consider inviting your friends to a coffee shop off campus to make memories and work on your draft at the same time.
AA: Before the frenzy of graduation sets in, make plans with your friends about how you’ll keep in touch. Sure, you’ll text them constantly, but having concrete plans (like handwritten letters, weekly Skype sessions, or even plane tickets) will make it easier to stay close even when you’re swamped at your new job.
MLH: Ultimately, you won’t stay friends with everyone. That’s just the way the world works. But we have Stop Making Sense and Renn Fayre for exactly this reason—so you can celebrate and say goodbye to Reed and your favorite Reedies.


Dear Miss Lonely Hearts,

My best friend started hooking up with a guy recently, and now they’re officially dating. I’m happy that my friend is happy, but I never get to see her anymore! This is her first boyfriend, so I want to give her space to enjoy her relationship, but I can’t help feeling ditched. She bailed on me on three separate occasions, which makes me feel unwanted and disrespected. How do I speak up and tell my friend that I want to see her more without putting her on the defensive?

A Third Wheel

AA: Third Wheel, this is a tough one, and unfortunately it’s a situation that almost everybody has to deal with at some point in their life. When you get a chance to talk to your friend, make sure you focus on your feelings rather than blaming everything on her boyfriend. You might secretly hope they break up so the two of you can spend more time together, but she’ll retreat even further if you reveal how much you dislike who she’s become (the super annoying boyfriend-obsessed girl, but don’t tell her I said that).
MLH: That being said, make sure you maintain a balance. Don’t blame everything thing on her boyfriend or her, but also don’t go crazy when detailing how upset you are. Keep it simple, like “I’m excited for you and your new relationship, but I’ve missed you these past few weeks. Can we find a time to hang out just the two of us, maybe lunch next week?” If you make plans far in advance, it will be more difficult for her to bail. She might flake on you anyway, but keep inviting her out. At some point (hopefully) she’ll realize that you’re drifting apart and will accept your invites. If you’ve already given up on her at that point, then it’s unlikely she’ll reach out to you, especially if she’s still dating this guy. 
AA: This might also be a good time to expand your friendship group. Losing your best friend to her boyfriend sucks, but there are plenty of other single people out there!