Dear Miss Lonely Hearts,
Woe is me: I have feelings for my best friend. Things started off completely platonic, but lately I’ve seen him in another light. To make matters more complicated, he already has a girlfriend. But hear me out. I’m completely opposed to the whole concept of the “other woman,” but I think my best friend might be unhappy in his current relationship. He and I talk about everything—we’re basically dating on an emotional level—and he often tells his girlfriend he’s studying or going to bed to hang out with me instead. I don’t like that he’s hiding something from her, but the fact that he feels he has to keep it a secret makes me think he might feel something between us, just like I do.
I’ll stress that nothing physical has happened between us, so I’m not entirely certain my feelings are reciprocated. With that in mind, I’m afraid to tell him how I really feel, because I don’t want to risk our friendship. If something is there, how do I tell? And at the risk of sounding like a homewrecker, should I encourage him to break up with his current girlfriend to be with me? Or, to word it slightly differently, how do I make it clear that I’m interested, but not interested in being the other woman?
Dear Bewitched Bestie,
I’ll be honest with you, Bestie—can I call you Bestie? Bestie, let me be very clear: he’s not worth
agonizing over. It sounds like your friend is using you as an emotional stand-in for his girlfriend during a tough patch in their relationship, and he’s putting you in a difficult position by lying to his girlfriend about how much time he’s spending with you. Yes, his actions reveal that he thinks the time you spend together is more than platonic, something he has to hide, and that's not fair to you or his girlfriend.
I’m all for transparency, and I think that if you do really have feelings for this guy and feel that he is, in fact, worth it, then you should tell him how you feel. Honesty is always the best policy, no matter how uncomfortable it might make you to take the plunge and confess your feelings. If he’s a real friend, he will understand, no matter if he reciprocates your feelings. But, to tell you the truth, Bestie, it doesn’t sound like this guy is worth your time or affection. If he really cared about you, he wouldn’t be sneaking around with you (and that is what he’s doing, no matter how platonic the relationship is) and he wouldn’t make you play second-fiddle to his girlfriend. Treat yo self to someone who will treat you right.
Miss Lonely Hearts
Lonely? Horny? Heartbroken? Bad gas? Need some relationship or life advice? Write to Miss Lonely Hearts at www.reedthegrail.com/askmlh or slip a note into mail stop 357 to get your questions answered.