Bi and Bi

Dear Miss Lonely Hearts,

Despite many clues throughout my life, I’ve just recently figured out that I’m bisexual. In high school I dated some guys, but now I’m interested in exploring the other side of my sexuality. How do I initiate encounters with women? What are ways to let people know I’m interested in them without being so subtle that they don’t pick up on it? Or worse, come off as creepy?

Bi and Bi


Dear Bi and Bi

First of all, high five! My bisexual awakening was almost entirely due to Gillian Anderson’s portrayal of Scully in X-Files, and, however you came to this realization, you’re not alone in your reticence toward initiating encounters with other women. It’s scary, especially because there aren’t many models of how to approach this situation in popular culture.

My advice is to let women know you’re interested in the exact same way you would let a male-identifying person know. There’s a range of options for you to choose from: be blunt and tell them you’re crushing on them (trust me, they’ll be flattered even if they’re not interested); find out what they’re interested in and ask them out for coffee or lunch, making it clear that it will be a date and not a casual hangout; or, if you’re still feeling shy, ask a mutual friend whether they know if this person is interested in other women. You’ll only come off as creepy if you are creepy; letting someone know you’re interested in them shouldn’t be creepy just because you’re both women.

In short: don’t be a creep and you won’t come off as creepy. It's as simple as that.

Sending good vibes your way,
Miss Lonely Hearts