Volume 1 Issue 5

Seeking Adoption

Dear Miss Lonely Hearts, 

I have serious conundrum. I would like Robert Knapp to be my grandfather. I know that he’s married and he’s never met my grandmother but I feel they’d hit it off ! She has a PhD in English and they could talk about Shakespeare and theatre to their hearts delight. After all, didn’t Romeo say, “How sweet is love itself possess’d / when but love’s shadows are so rich in joy”? 

I want Robert Knapp’s beard in my Christmas card, not just the beard, but also a Norman Rockwell-esque picture of us and their domestic bliss. How can I help the two of them start this whirlwind romance that will forever change their (and by extension my) lives. 


Wanting to be grandson