Dear Miss Lonely Hearts,
Have you ever vomited in front of your extended family? Me neither. . . . until Christmas. My family has a tradition of eating Thai food on Christmas Eve (don’t ask me why). I ate too quickly — the pad thai was the G.O.A.T* — and I vomited at the dinner table all over the garlic chicken. My whole family saw me. My stepfather shook his head. My brother laughed. My grandmother cried. I did all three at the same time.
— Happy New Year’s