Over It

Miss Lonely Hearts,

How do I get over someone when nothing even happened?

Over It


Dear Over It,

“Nothing even happened” is a loaded statement. Did you (1) trade glances from across the room and develop a crush that went unfulfilled, or (2) make a move and get nicely rejected with almost no exposition to the story? In the spirit of covering all my bases, I’ll provide you with a guide for both possibilities:

If it’s the latter, I get it. It hurts to invest and crush and then sit with the embarrassment of trying; of realizing that you misread their intentions, and then have to accept everything they didn’t do when you wanted them to. You wanted to believe that they liked you; that they wanted you; that this could be it. You thought they felt the same thing during that first long goodbye hug; those infrequent good morning texts. You wanted it to all mean something—to them as much as it did to you. But in this case, your half of reality wasn’t their reality. They didn’t see your situation the same way that you saw it. So, how do you move on from that? Don’t feel silly for misreading their signals, or feel embarrassed for thinking it could be something. Even though your almost-relationship never developed into an official relationship, those moments you experienced? They’re valid. You still shared something that mattered, however fleeting. It was still real. Embrace that, and move on.

If it’s the former, I get it too. Sometimes it’s the “what if ” that haunts us the most. It hurts to only have your half of the situation. It hurts knowing you weren’t on the same page, or wondering if there was any point where you were. And now all you have is a shadow of almost, left with nothing to grasp. But, Over It? If nothing really ever happened, why don’t you try to make something happen? Go out on a limb and get the other side of the story. Ask them out, or, if they’re already in another relationship, ask them if they ever felt anything for you, too. Even if you get rejected, that sense of closure is infinitely better than grappling with the “what if.”