Which Reed Professor Are You?

A modified version of this quiz was given to prospective students during RAD


Your preferred mode of transportation is:

  1. A sensible and safe car.

  2. A bicycle.

  3. A chariot.

  4. A bright purple Porsche.

You wanted to come to Reed because:

  1. You liked the idea of discussion-based classes.

  2. You truly believed in the benefits of classical Paideia.

  3. You heard about Doyle Owl Fights and couldn’t wait to win one.

  4. You thought Reedies were cool and wanted to hang out with them.

Your favorite snack between classes is:

  1. A kale and quinoa salad.

  2. An apple.

  3. A glass of wine.

  4. A sandwich and a bag of chips.


At a party, you can be found:

  1. Standing behind people who are telling stories about you, waiting for them to notice.

  2. Awkwardly adjusting your sweater.

  3. Finishing a box of wine while yelling at a freshman.

  4. Basking in romantic attention.

Your go-to party outfit is:

  1. A hat and cool sunglasses, your voice will attract the attention you need.

  2. A cozy sweater and some sensible khakis.

  3. Spartan war attire, nice earrings.

  4. Partially unbuttoned dress shirt and well-fitted jeans, you’re always the best-dressed at a party.

On your first day in commons and you sat:

  1. On your own, knowing that people would see you and come join.

  2. With a good book; it was one of the Hum 110 texts, but you were reading it for fun.

  3. With a group of people who were already sitting by demanding that they make space for you.

  4. With the cool upperclassmen you met on your first day here, obviously.


Five minutes before conference you can be found:

  1. Walking over to conference while chatting with a friend.

  2. Biking over to conference from across campus.

  3. Already sitting in your classroom because you’re never late.

  4. Rushing to conference so that you won’t be late this time.

On the day before the first Hum Lecture you were:

  1. Sitting on the lawn, talking about the Iliad.

  2. Looking over the Iliad in Greek, as well as the translation that was assigned.

  3. Checking out the lecture hall, making sure that you’d have the best seat the next day.

  4. Basking in the sun on the lawn, enjoying the final days of your summer vacation.

When you were given the Intro Chem safety manual, you:

  1. Wrote your name on it and then discussed the importance of having a safety manual.

  2. Read it cover to cover and then explained it to your friends who didn’t read it, after all: Safety first.

  3. Memorized every word, and recited it to your professor the next day.

  4. Didn’t have time to read all of it, but are definitely going to be safe in the lab.

If you answered mostly 1) Pancho Savery (English), 2) Wally Englert (Classics), 3) Ellen Millender (Classics), 4) Paul Hovda (Philosophy). If you answered inconsistently you are Ben Lazier (History).