Dear sweet readers,


You are looking beautiful tonight! Did you get a haircut? New shoes? Something about you. . . is different. . . uhhh. . . anyway, want to get ice cream with me tonight? I read about these great new ice cream places in Portland (6). Ohh. . . You’re lactose intolerant? Hmmm, well wanna go see that new movie Grandma? I read about it in The Grail (10). Wait, you don’t like movies? That’s cool I guess. Are you into, like, activist stuff? Did you you hear about these developers cutting down a 100 year-old tree right next to Reed (1)? You. . .  you don’t like trees? What? Okay, ummm. Oh! Have you seen the cute dogs around campus, they are soooooooo sweet (8)! Wow. You don’t like dogs? What kind of person. . . Do you like advice columns (9). Trains rides (4)? Fashion (7)? What the hell. You are literally the most boring person ever. Goodbye.



Brian, Lauren, Jordan, Vikram

News & Features

De Sastre

Miss Lonely Hearts

Cultural Column