Dear sweet readers,
You are looking beautiful tonight! Did you get a haircut? New shoes? Something about you. . . is different. . . uhhh. . . anyway, want to get ice cream with me tonight? I read about these great new ice cream places in Portland (6). Ohh. . . You’re lactose intolerant? Hmmm, well wanna go see that new movie Grandma? I read about it in The Grail (10). Wait, you don’t like movies? That’s cool I guess. Are you into, like, activist stuff? Did you you hear about these developers cutting down a 100 year-old tree right next to Reed (1)? You. . . you don’t like trees? What? Okay, ummm. Oh! Have you seen the cute dogs around campus, they are soooooooo sweet (8)! Wow. You don’t like dogs? What kind of person. . . Do you like advice columns (9). Trains rides (4)? Fashion (7)? What the hell. You are literally the most boring person ever. Goodbye.
Brian, Lauren, Jordan, Vikram
News & Features
Early in the week of September 14, 2015, an exciting story burst into view within the Reed College bubble. This tale of intrigue was replete with all elements of newsworthiness: a villainous corporation, hungry for money at the expense of the community, heroic neighbors prepared to face dire consequences in order to stand up for what is right, and a clock ticking on impending doom, in the form of a wood chipper poised outside of a lot on 36th and Martins.
My suitcase is too heavy. We enter the renovated Union Depot in St. Paul, full of marble and murmurs. The train’s arrival is delayed in strange increments: 10:17, 10:23, 10:41pm. My mother and stepfather stand on either side of me, making jokes and pressing close. Finally, the striped silver cars roll into the station, glistening with fresh rain.
According to our four year-old selves, one of the triumphs of adulthood is being able to eat ice cream whenever we want. And it’s true — we can eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner — but this perk of maturity is often wasted on $6.75 pints of Ben & Jerry’s during 2 AM runs to Homer’s. I get it, sometimes you’re in for a night of problem sets and Hum papers and you desperately need caffeine, pizza bites, and Phish Food, but I also think that we should occasionally embrace our grown-up-ness and treat ourselves to the fancy ice cream that only Portland has to offer in such scope. So, I waited in line and demolished the sanctity of my diet to give you the inside scoop on four of Portland’s best ice cream shops: Cloud City, Ruby Jewel, Salt & Straw, and the newly opened Pinolo.
As the fourth week of classes is upon us, one can feel the general stress level on campus quickly rising from “I have plenty of time to get that Hum reading done” to “that’s due tomorrow?” to “oh wait I have a Bio test right now” to a stressful transcendence of completely giving up. In these trying times, I find it helpful to take walks around campus and see some of that “sunlight” thing that has become increasingly less familiar. While taking a stroll around, something quickly catches the eye of all of us animal aficionados: pups. So many pups. Small pups. Big pups. Pups everywhere. Yes, we have been blessed by the presence of many fluffy gifts frolicking around campus. I encourage you to bother every human walking their precious angel around campus by asking them the question we all feel in our hearts “Can I pet your dog?” But friends, I have decided to go on a mission, a mission to never have to worry about what the preferred pronouns of a pup on campus is, because I will know. I want to learn about as many of the pups on campus as humanly possible. I’m here to do the hard research, and friends, I am here to share my findings with you. So sit back, relax, and level up on your dog spotting game by learning about some of our furry campus friends with me. Welcome to Dogs of Reed.
Today’s awe-inspiring aesthetic comes from Olivia Dawson. While the foundation of her outfit is a thrifted simple black maxi, Olivia’s style testifies to her globe-trotting friends and her appreciation for the unconventional. Her organza crop top is from Japan; the top’s ethereal and voluminous cap-sleeves enhance the look by challenging the simple proportions of the A-line dress. Her chain and pendant hail from Cuba, a gift from her lovely human adding a sentimental touch to the whimsical aesthetic. Olivia’s earrings, made out of beetles, echo the opalescence of her not one, but two, nose piercings. These accessories bring forth her inner Luna Lovegood and eccentricity.
Miss Lonely Hearts
Exciting changes abound, readers! This week I, Miss Lonelyhearts, have entertained my first ever write-in guest: PSU’s Agony Aunt, author of the popular advice column, “Ask Auntie.” We had such a wonderful time writing together that we couldn’t give you just one of our letters. Offered in the stead of my normal column, then, is a charcuterie of council — a panoply of pointers — a few short letters to get you through your day.
Much has been written about the McConaissance, so much so that Google Docs doesn’t even mark the word McConaissance as a typo, once I figured out how to spell the damned thing. Now that the idea of affixing the descriptor “prestige” to the phrase “actor Matthew McConaughey, star of Sahara, Failure to Launch, and Fool’s Gold” is old hat, it has reached the time for the cultural consciousness to move on and bring a different performer to the spotlight. And that actor is one of our all-time greats, Lily Tomlin. Now, I know this comparison doesn’t quite work; McConaughey went from rom-com dreck to mumbly, apocalyptic greatness, Tomlin has been consistently great throughout her entire career. Also, Tomlinaissance doesn’t quite have the same ring (and Google Docs insists it isn’t a word.) But for some reason, Tomlin doesn’t quite have the resonance amongst the younger generations that she should have. After seeing the new film Grandma, now playing at the Hollywood Theatre, I think that may change. In the film, Tomlin plays a semi-retired and penniless Californian lesbian poet-academic, basically the spirit animal/future self of many a Reed student. Over the course of the movie, she assists her granddaughter scrape together the money she needs for an abortion. Many reviews are positively assessing Grandma as being a progressive step forward following last year’s Obvious Child in terms of abortion plots; the idea of abortion is thoroughly normalized throughout the film, and the narrative never second-guesses the character’s intention to follow through with the procedure. The abortion is really a backdrop for Tomlin to work her magic, though. She wields tremendous emotional power in every scene, mixing mirth, sadness, and disgust into singular facial expressions. There’s one episode in the middle of the movie that features Tomlin squaring off with Sam Elliott, and it is definitely up there with the best scenes of the year. Hopefully films like this, will lead a new generation of viewers (shall we call them… the TOMLINELLIALS?) to delve into her deep back catalog of hits, especially 9 to 5, the workplace comedy/proto-third wave feminist tract featuring her alongside Jane Fonda and Dolly Parton. 9 to 5 has firmly integrated itself into the lexicon of my partner and I, so much so that we have decided who would be each character (I think I would be the Dolly, but she insists I’m the Jane. Whatever, she’s definitely the Lily.) Rumor has it a 9 to 5 reunion might be coming soon, fingers crossed.